


The Muppet Genie

by puffythepig



Series: My Muppets Fics [6]
Category: The Muppets, The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Genie/Djinn, Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, Crushes, Djinni & Genies, Fluff, Gay, Genie prompt, Implied Romance, M/M, Mutual Pining, OC, Original Character(s), Pining, Questioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22505740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puffythepig/pseuds/puffythepig
Summary: Fozzie finds a genie lamp one day in the dumpster behind the theater. Could it be the answer to his problems?
Relationships: Fozzie Bear/Kermit the Frog
Series: My Muppets Fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837657
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	The Muppet Genie

“And that’s a wrap!” A booming voice of a muppet behind a video camera burst through the Muppets theater, and everyone let out a collective sigh and started to get ready to return home. Fozzie started to push through the crowd, keeping his eyes on his amphibian best friend, his chest swelling up like a rash, until he bumped right into Rizzo, sending the rat to the ground. 

“Hey, watch where you’re going, Fozzie!” The 90s themed rodent hollered, pulling himself to his feet before Fozzie could lend any help. 

“What’s going on with you, anyways?” 

Shrugging and putting a gentle paw on the rat’s back, Fozzie shook his eyes away from his green friend. “Sorry, Rizzo. It’s nothing.”  
Huffing and glancing over to where the bear had been previously staring, a devious smile grew onto the rodent’s face. 

“Oh, were you ogling at the big man again?” 

Swallowing hard, Fozzie gave a lop-sided smile. “What do you mean? I wasn’t staring at Kermit.” 

“You most certainly were! Now as for why... there are only two reasons someone would be staring at the frog like that, and it isn’t payday, so you must still have the hots for him!” 

Straining out a chuckle, Fozzie shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
Ignoring the bear’s denial, Rizzo let out a gasp. 

“You better hope Miss P doesn’t know.”

“But...but her and Kermit have been broken up for half a year now!” 

Nodding, Rizzo gave a strong smile. “So, I was right, then? You do have the hots for a frog.” 

Once again, Fozzie opened his mouth to deny the claim, but no words would come out, so he just shut his mouth again and glared at the ground. 

“Awh, don’t look so down, Fozz, I’m just teasing. He doesn’t seem to like Piggy back, maybe he would be interested in you.” The rat shrugged and Fozzie let out a lonesome murmur in reply. “Have you tried anything on him?”

“Well... not really. I did buy him flowers but I uh... never gave them to him.” Fozzie abashedly kept his hands intertwined, his eyes glued to them. 

“That doesn’t really count, Fozz...” 

Rizzo started to conjure up some lop-sided advice as Pepé joined Rizzo’s side. 

“What are you two bachelors talking about? Are you going to Rowlf’s tonight, eh?” 

“I’m good... I think I’ll head out. Thanks for the encouragement, Rizzo.” Fozzie hurried to the back of the stage to gather his bag as the two friends continued to chat.

“What’s with the bear? Did I say something?” Pepé asked, and Rizzo shook his head. 

“I shouldn’t tell you, but he’s in love with a friend of his.” 

“Ohhh, it’s the frog, isn’t it?”

Laughing, Rizzo crosses his arms. “Did everyone notice before me?”

“Not sure, but I saw him making goo goo eyes at Kermit during our last meeting. That’s tough, it is. Being in love with a best friend. Is romantic though, eh?” 

“I guess so...” Rizzo trailed off and cleared his throat uncomfortably. “So about those drinks, whose paying?” 

“I was going to trick Gonzo into paying again, if you play along with it.” 

“Of course I will! So what’s the plan?”

“Well...”

The two walked out of the building, and Rizzo’s thoughts once again drifted to the infatuated bear, who finally left the building, just a few minutes before Kermit.

“Is there something bothering you, Fozzie?” Kermit’s quiet, doting voice startled the bear, who had been lost in a sea of daydreams. 

Smiling gently, Fozzie rubbed at the back of his head. Of course Kermit would notice something was off. Still, it never ceased to amaze Fozzie how easily he noticed when his friends were upset. “I’m fine, Kermit.” Still, Fozzie wasn’t in any way prepared to deal with Kermit knowing his little secret just yet. 

“Well, all right. Just know that you can talk to me if you need to.” Kermit gave him a tired smile and walked away, leaving Fozzie staring for a moment before making his way to his own studebaker,. Just as he passed by the dumpster, a shiny object fell in front of him, sending him tripping backward.

“Hey, what g-“ he paused when his eyes fell on the rainbow colored lamp. After glancing around for the culprit behind the throwing, Fozzie lifted the lamp into his paws. He squinted at the oddly shaped lamp before shrugging and muttering to himself as he made his way home. “It’s probably just one of the Electric Mayhem’s special lamp things.. I’ll give it back to them tomorrow.”

Fozzie started to slip into his pajamas when a light trickled in the corner of his eyes. When he looked around, he saw the sparkle head on, lingering on the rainbow lamp. Curious, the bear approached the table wear and began to rub at it, attempting to remove the sparkle.

When a gold-colored spirit erupted from the lamp, Fozzie stumbled back and held tightly to his hat as if it were a floatie. “W..what are you?”

Rolling her three silver eyes, the felt mouse-like muppet hovered over the bear. “You must be my new master,” A squeaky, southern accent escaped her as she eyed him up and down, a smirk forming on her lips, “and not the brightest one I’ve met. Doncha know a genie when you see one, Sweetheart?”

“A genie..? But... how are you a genie? That doesn’t make sense...” Slowly, Fozzie started to bring himself to his feet again. 

“The same way you’re a talking bear, I suppose, Darling. Now what’s your—“ 

Before she could finish her sentence, Fozzie huffed and stood up reluctantly. “My name isn’t Darling, or Sweetheart... it’s Fozzie. What’s yours?”

“You can call me Talla the Extravagant! Now, hold still.” 

Fozzie started to question why, but when Talla started lifting him into the air with a wave of her hand, he instead focused on trying to grab onto his bed sheet to ground himself. With a confident wave she set him comfortably on his bed before floating her way in front of him. 

“So, what’s your first wish?” 

“Aren’t you going to explain the rules to me?” Fozzie asked, and the mouse rolled her eyes again. 

“Come on, there are like 40 rules, I am NOT going over all of them with you.. just ask and I’ll tell you if I can help, Darling.”

“Mm, alright... well, I’m a comedian, but no one really laughs at my jokes... could I wish for my audience to laugh at my jokes?”

Plopping herself down beside the bear, the mouse-genie snorted. “That’s it? You want people to laugh at you for your first wish?”

“Yeah. I think it would make the show better.” Fozzie gave the genie a soft smile and she hummed a little before floating up again.

“Well, alright. I’ll make you funnier.” Striking the bear with a beam of golden light, the genie smiled triumphantly and floated back down until she comfortably sat on the bed. “Now, you can only have one wish per day, alright? So I’m going back into my lamp... enjoy being.. funny.” She smirked at him and turned translucent as she slid back into her lamp like a banana peel.

Excitedly, Fozzie checked on the vase of lilies on his bedside table and fell asleep, thoughts of how he could surely impress Kermit tomorrow filling his head.

The next day rolled around like a freight train and Fozzie took another deep breath, looking down at the little mouse-genie that reclined in his hands. “Are you sure this will work? Will I really be funny?”

“Of course! With my help they’ll love you. Just tell the jokes that I send to you telepathically and they’ll go gaga for it, trust me.” 

Nodding, Fozzie made his way onto the stage and stared into the lights glaring down at him, throwing a smile onto his face. “So, I was in a car with this blonde, right? We were heading down to Disneyland! A sign on the side of the road said “Disneyland Left”! You know what we did?” A few people in the crowd chimed in, asking what they did. “She started crying so we turned around and went home!”

A few snickers came from the crowd, and Fozzie cleared his throat for another. “Alright alright, here’s another one for you! I was at a restaurant and they served this really nice chicken! I ask the chef how he prepares the chicken, and you know what he said?” After the crowd responded with ‘what did he say, Fozzie?’ The bear continued his spiel. “He said, we don’t say much, we just tell them they’re gonna die!” 

The crowd erupted into laughter and a sinking feeling buried itself in Fozzie’s gut. Making people laugh was supposed to make him feel good, but it didn’t feel right this time. He glanced up to the theater stand where Statler and Waldorf even laughed with each other at the dark joke. 

Swallowing hard, Fozzie glanced over the crowd until his eyes settled on Kermit, who bit at his webbed fingers in worry. After telling a few more equally dark jokes, Fozzie hurried himself off the stage and into his dressing room, dumping the lamp onto his vanity. 

“What was that all about? You said I would be funny...” 

Rolling back on her tail, Talla squeezed at her sides. “It was funny, the crowd loved it!” She pulled herself out of her laughing fit, scrunching her nose at the lack of sound coming from the bear. “What?”

“It was terrible! Some of my friends looked really upset, and Kermit just looked disappointed...” 

Groaning, Talla floated into the air and flared down at the muppet. “So what, you offended a few people. You also made the crowd die of laughter! Isn’t that worth it?”

Shaking his head and pouting, Fozzie thought back to the look on Kermit’s face. “No... no it wasn’t. I don’t want you to help me with my comedy anymore...”

Shrugging smugly and skipping back into her lamp at the sound of footsteps approaching, Talla let out one more triumphant squeak. “Suit yourself, Darlin’.”

Fozzie swiftly turned around at the sight of Miss Piggy standing in the doorway. “Oh, hey Piggy...” Fozzie managed out, already preparing himself for the verbal lashing from the woman.

“Fonzie,” she began, and he decided not to correct her this time, “I can’t believe you would tell such.. such distasteful jokes! Sure, your old routine needed some work, but at least you weren’t using your airtime to shame half of the crew she hollered, and then huffed, crossing her arms as if she were a mother scolding her child and not his coworker. “You know you made poor Camilla cry with that chicken joke? Gonzo FINALLY got her to stop crying a few minutes ago, but now there are feathers all over the rehearsal room! You should be ashamed of yourself!” 

Only nodding in response and staring sadly down at his hands, Fozzie took the words to heart. He was ashamed. All the jokes brought to him was the hurt feelings of his friends. “I’m sorry, Piggy. I’ll be more careful.. I didn’t mean to make you or anyone else angry at me.”

“Angry doesn’t even describe how I feel right now, Fozzie.” He felt a sting in his heart at the sound of her saying his actual name, and in this context. “I’m very disappointed in you. I hope you’re proud.” 

With a final huff, the pig left the room and left Fozzie staring at the door that she slammed shut for several minutes. With a sigh, he turned to his mirror and stared down at the lamp. He was sure that it felt bears could shed tears right now, he would one hundred percent be doing that now. 

When the door opened again, he only flickered his eyes up at first, ready to see Piggy coming back to finish off her painful lecture, but instead Kermit stood in the doorway, his face scrunched up in concentration.

Fozzie shrunk into himself, pulling his hat into his hands and holding it tightly. “Oh, hey, Kermit. Are you here to tell me how disappointed you are, too?” The words came out more pitifully than Fozzie intended, but he couldn’t help himself. He felt pitiful right now.

“I’m not disappointed, Fozzie... just a little.. confused.” The frog sat on the vanity next to the bear, who stared down at him with a fat pout on his face. “Why did you change your act so much? I thought you were going to do the pie tricks today.” 

His shoulders heaving, Fozzie refocused his vision on his hat. “I was, but.. I just.. I wanted people to laugh at my jokes and really like me, Kermit.” 

Nodding, the frog listened closely. “I know it can be hard for you with the crowd, but... remember how happy you make little kids who watch the show, Fozzie! Maybe adults don’t always find you funny, but... people just get bitter with old age. It doesn’t mean your jokes aren’t important. And I like you just the way you are, Fozzie. All of our friends do too. I’m sorry if that isn’t enough for you, but.. “ 

Before the amphibian could say another word, Fozzie shook his head. “Kermit, it is enough for me, I promise! I just.. I don’t know what came over me today, but it won’t happen again.” Taking a deep breath and putting his hat back on, Fozzie whispered a little more. “I really appreciate you coming in here, Kermit. I think I really needed to hear this.”

With a shy smile, Kermit stood on the vanity chair and straightened out Fozzie’s hat. “It’s no problem, Fozzie... say, how do you feel about-“ Kermit stopped his line of dialogue when a large booming sound echoed in the next room. “Sheesh, guess that’s my call. I’ll talk to you later, Fozzie!” 

With that the frog raced out of the room, and when Fozzie pulled off his hat this time, it was to hold it to his chest and treasure what had just happened. 

“You like that guy or something?” Talla’s voice squeaked in Fozzie’s ear and without another thought, he just let out a lovelorn sigh and started to glance over his script for the next act.

“More than I could ever say. Or will say, anyways.” He mumbled the last part, not making eye contact with the Magic Mouse.

“You muppets are weird... anyways, what are you wishing for next?”

“Well... there are these two hecklers that always pick on me during my act. Maybe if you could make me able to be mean to them, just a little, it would help...”

Smirking devilishly, the genie waved her hands and zapped the bear. “Alright! You’re now a meaner bear. How do you feel?” 

“Exactly the same... are you sure you did anything..? I mean, come on, how useless can you—“ cutting himself off and smacking a paw over his mouth, Fozzie looked over at the snickering mouse. “I said a little more mean, not—“

Rolling her eyes, the genie ducked behind her lamp as footsteps neared them. “Calm down, Funzie. Just pace yourself and you should be fine.”

“Fozzie, it’s your time!” He could hear Scooter shouting from the hallway, and his feet carried him dreadfully to the curtains.

His stomach swelling like a tick, Fozzie gulped down his nerves and headed onto the stage for his next act.

Fighting the urge in him to tell the same jokes as before, Fozzie pushed forward one of his older acts, where he did some common slapstick routines. All seemed to be proceeding well, until Statler let out a cruel laugh.

“Hasn’t he done this routine before?”

Waldorf chipped in. “I don’t know. They all seem just as boring as the next to me!”

When the jarring laughter of the old men followed their quips, Fozzie couldn’t fight his newfound mean streak, which made him spit back a reply. “Shut up, old man!”

Right away, he felt a sting of guilt in his stomach and started questioning if this wish was worth it, but one glance in the crowd showed several of his fellow muppet crew members fighting laughter. Even Kermit smiled at the bear’s fiery response, giving him a thumbs up. 

The rest of the evening, the old men kept mostly silent.

Slowly, the muppet members started to head home once again after a fairly successful workday. Fozzie started to pack his bag to return home when a knock came on his dressing room door. He yelled for whoever it was to come in, finding himself twirling around and paying full attention when he realized it was Kermit.

“Hey Fozzie, I was going to ask you earlier but couldn’t— would you like to join me for dinner tonight? I know it’s late notice, but I have a reservation for two when I, uhm,” he cleared his throat, “meant to get a reservation for one..”

Fozzie could feel his heart swelling like a balloon and tried to think of the perfect way to reply, but instead his wish for earlier backfired, sending an insult out of his mouth. “Why would want to go with you?”

The frog seemed to shrivel up in place before swallowing hard. “I’m.. sorry if I upset you.. was it something I said earlier..?” Before Fozzie could give a reply, Kermit continued on. “Nevermind. I’ll him... see you at work tomorrow.” Watching the beloved frog hurry out of the room, Fozzie felt immediately like he was going to burst into tears.

Instead, he grabbed his bag and went home to sulk. When he finally sat down on his bed, he pulled the little lamp out of his bag and considered throwing it just as Talla popped herself out of it.

“Hey, what’s with the pouty face, Funky? Ready for your last wish?”

Fozzie only stared at the ceiling for a long minute, replaying the way Kermit shuddered away from him over and over again in his head. Unable to fight the urge, Fozzie felt his eyes grow swollen with tears, and the genie was inches away from his face.

“Hey hey, what are you crying for? I’ve given you everything you’ve asked for.” She crosses her arms and huffed. “Can’t you just hurry up and ask me your last wish? I want to go back to hibernating.”

Slowly, Fozzie pulled his eyes over to the little mouse. In a voice smaller than the genie, Fozzie whispered out his last wish. “Please...just reverse my wishes.”

“What? Why? I made you funny, I made you able to confront those hecklers. Why do you want to take that away? It took some hard earned magic, you know!”

“I’m sorry, but.. it’s just not worth it. I’ve never seen Kermit so upset with me... if I hadn’t made those selfish wishes, I wouldn’t have made him so sad...”

“Well... if you really think this guy is so worth giving up your wishes, fine.” She grumbled a little, still proud of her magic skill. 

“Of course he is worth it. He’s always liked me for me, and... I think most of the Muppets crew has, actually.. we’ve always been like a family.. even Statler and Waldorf don’t hate me deep down, I think...” Fozzie nodded as if to reassure himself. “And.. I need to apologize to him, as myself and not some meaner, more offensive version of myself...”

“All right all right, I’ll reverse your wishes. You don’t have to be so sappy about it.” She zapped the bear for the third time, an amused smile on her face. “Now, can you drop my lamp somewhere it won’t be found for awhile? I need to get some serious sleep..”

Fozzie nodded furiously, slipping his shoes and coat on and grabbing the bouquet of lilies off his desk. “I can do that, but first I’ve got a frog to catch before he goes out to dinner without me.”

Upon running out the door, the bear soon realized his studebaker was out of gas, and as rain started pouring he took a deep breath and continued his short voyage on foot, pounding on the door as soon as he arrived at the frog’s mansion.

When the door opened and Kermit stood in a tiny blue tuxedo, Fozzie fought back the goofy grin that threatened to smear across his face in an attempt to stay focused on his sincerity. “Kermit, I.. I was hoping to-“

Cutting him off, Kermit kept his voice low. “Fozzie.. haven’t you said enough to me today?”

The creak in his croak nearly sent Fozzie into another crying fit, but he swallowed hard and kept himself as composed as he was able to. “I know, but.. it’s really important. I want to apologize and... explain why I’ve been acting so weird.”

Kermit just stared up at him patiently, fiddling with a button on his tuxedo, as if he was nervous.

“I haven’t been myself because I found this genie lamp,” Fozzie lifted it up and showed it to the frog, who marveled at its colors, “and I used it to.. to try and change myself. I really wanted people to like me more, and I wanted to be more mean so I could handle the hecklers better, but... I’ve realized that the people who matter already like me, or at least, I hope they still do, and being mean, even to Statler and Waldorf, just isn’t worth it.” Taking a deep breath after his rant, Fozzie fell to his knees and stared lovingly up at the amphibian. “Kermit, could you ever forgive me? I really am so sorry for everything, I promise!” 

Kermit smiled down at the Bear before leaning down and hugging him tightly. “I forgive you, Fozzie, and of course everyone still likes you. I know I do.” Fozzie could hear the frog swallow hard after saying that and pulling away. “Uhm.. Would you maybe be interested in joining me for dinner, then? I was going to head out in a few minutes...”

Fozzie stood to his full height and fidgeted with his neck tie. “But.. I’m not really dressed up like you are, or anything..”

“Fozzie, you don’t need to change for me...” the amphibian rubbed at the back of his head. “I do want you to come in and grab one of the jackets you left here before, though. This rain is supposed to be icy later, and I don’t want you to get sick.”

Smiling sweetly at the answer, Fozzie decided it was the right time and pulled the lilies, some of which had been crushed now, out of his bag and presented them to the frog, who nearly change color in content.

“Oh, you didn’t have to get me lilies, Fozzie...” Kermit glanced behind the bear and ushered him inside. “Say, where is your studebaker...?”

“It’s at uh... home.”

“You... you walked all the way to my mansion in the rain for me, Fozzie?” Kermit pulled one of the bear’s jackets off the coat rack and handed it to him.

Smiling down at his hands, Fozzie just answers with a small squeak of ‘yes’. As the two headed out towards the fancy restaurant, their hands intertwined gently, Fozzie felt thankful that he found that lamp in the trash can.


End file.
